Tuesday, 12 June 2007

• Hello reader.

  
  

  

  I really can not find a way to escape the constant depression. I  got rid of it for about three weeks, but  now it's back. I don't understand why I'm depressed. I really think something happened to me when I was young, something really bad. I wish I could remember. It's really odd how small things can get me depressed, and big things can't really. So, with that little introduction to my depression, here I go. I am starting this 'blog' so I can get my feelings down, hopefully cutting my depression down. Because I can not have another ninth grade year. So I thought that first I'd write down thoughts. Then how my day went.
  
  When did life become a habit? When did I stop seeing those imaginary friends? When did everything start to come down to nothing but science? When I was two I could see a man throw fire from his hands, and I would just smile. But if I saw a man throwing fire from his hands now, I'd never think it real. Because now I've lived for fifteen years, and of course I know men can't create fire balls and throw them at eachother. But why has this habit formed? Why is it so hard to amaze me now? I consider myself open minded, but I can not break the habit of life. I can not open my mind so far that if someone told me "Hey Mathew I can fly with my magical powersssss." That I'd be like "Oh cool, :]" Not anymore. I used to be able to say "Oh cool." when I was like in the second grade. But I was lied to so much back then. Thats another thought. Lies. When is it okay to lie? When my friends tell me "Mathew I love you!" And I say it back, but don't mean it. Is that bad? I only love two people, but so many people tell me they love me. My dad used to tell me stupid things. Like fire flies would leave and go to the moon when I stopped playing with them. I believed him. Until I was about ten, and I would ask these silly questions in class and get laughed at. I think I lost respect for him at that age. He has a problem with treating me like a person my age, he lives in the past. I guses thats atleast one thing we have in common. These thoughts didn't really make sense. I'm sorry.
  
  Well today I was suppose to go hang out with Melissa and Colleen and dye our hair. But Melissa took her anger out on me today. So I didn't go. I'm really dissapointed, I was looking forward to seeing them before I leave for a month. I hope she feels bad. Is that mean to say? Oh well. Other then that I sat around kind of cleaning. Today was the worst day of my summer. But it wasn't that bad, so that's saying something.
  Goodbye Reader.
  

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